Song

Exhausted and worn  out,

all I can think of is sleep.

I rest my head against the frail glass window,

an occasional thud; when the bus screeches and brakes.

I stare at the lights outside and wonder how fast the world moves.

The chatter on the radio comes to a stop and a sweet melody strikes the air.

I lean on the window and start humming along…

Another light lingering tune effortlessly mixes in the air…mingling with my carcass humming and suddenly my tune doesn’t sound so offbeat.

His voice silvery coarse – my voice faintly melodic.

I don’t turn.

The lights outside don’t appear sad anymore.

You Think You Are Right?

There is a thing with human beings, we think whatever we think and know is true.

As a kid when I first read about atoms- protons, neutrons, electrons!…I was  awestruck that something so small and significant existed. I gaped at the thought that I see and touch it everyday yet I never feel its presence. It was like opening my eyes to something that was right in front of me all the time. I remember thinking about my school desk looking at it like an object of amazement and wondering how electrons are revolving around billions of nuclei. And it was so damn hard to believe, I almost told myself that it was a lie. A few days days passed and another thought occurred to me; before I knew of atoms, I thought there was nothing like it. I was unaware of its existence and it was okay..that is how I knew things were. Wood is just wood. I thought I was right.

We think we are right. Don’t we?

Then, it occurred to me what if there could be more to atoms and we think it’s just atoms because we don’t know more about it yet. And the thought was so eye opening that I have clung to it ever since.

Whenever I feel I know something, I look twice to check if I can see more to it. Even if I can’t, I like to keep this thought at the back of my mind that there might be something that I still can’t see..that I still don’t know.

Be it facts or emotions. There is always (okay..almost always) more to it than we know. We believe what we see and hear (I’m more of a see-person) and it is such a surprise that it rarely limits to those boundaries.

Boundaries, in any sense I have seen are meant to be surpassed. There is something beyond boundaries, I have no clue what that something amounts to; it might be a fraction or it might be millions and billions of things. Once it is surpassed..the ground where you land is the new boundary and then it goes on boundary after boundary after boundary.

We keep building and breaking boundaries.

Life appears to be a cycle of it. Like a limbo.

I don’t intend to write a scientific blog. I’m not much of a science girl. I think of all this is in such generic terms. I have had this habit of relating everything to my life and if and when I am unable to relate, I start to loose interest.

When it comes to people in my life, they never cease to amaze me..you think this is where the limit is. This is where she stops but then she takes two steps extra- SURPRISE! and this happens all the time. See, boundaries surpassed?!

This is a funny habit, relating unrelated things and even more funny is the fact that you usually end up establishing a relation. Things aren’t so hard to connect once you start at it. It just connects. Maybe it is all connected for real?

I don’t know if the above chatter makes any sense to you, does it?

Actually the matter is, the server is down..I am jobless and I’ve had around five cups of coffee already! Hope that adds some sense to my mindless musings.

Much love, I hope your coffee is as strong as mine(and not so strong, if you prefer it light ;)).

The Phone Call

Buzzzzzz…my phone goes, it’s you!

The frown on my face transforms to a smile and my eyes burning from the glow of the computer screen instantly light up.

Within seconds, we start ranting about our lives.

Mostly, what has gone wrong and Oh! how things are a mess.

We laugh about it all.

We tell each other, how life would have been easier without some people,

and as I hear your voice,

I softly whisper to myself;

“and so much easier because of some people”

A small town…called HOME

There is a sweet attachment that one has with the place they hail from. Be it a great big city or a small town. Geographically, be it of immense importance or simply lost on the map. You belong to the place and now, it dwells within you somehow.

The sweet nostalgia when you saunter through the streets of the town. I live away but I still call it my home. I might have spent a substantial amount of time in this other lovely city but it will never be home to me.

When asked, “Where are you leaving for?”

I always answer, “Home”

‘Coming home’ is a feeling and this place gives me just that.

Strolling through the market, the shop-owner gives me a bright smile and slips an extra chocolate in my grocery bag. He recognizes the small girl he once knew and I guess she is still the same for him.

In the pitch dark sky, I see thousands and thousands of stars twinkling as I lay on my terrace for hours. The sound of  crickets and  occasional cries of the peacock from the jungle, mingle with the silence that warmly wraps my home atop the hill.

As I put up some little twinkling lights in my garden and look at my parents sitting, sipping tea…the corners of their eyes wrinkling with laughter…I certainly know that this is HOME.

 

Weekly Discover Challenge

A Cup and Two Spoons

It has been over a year since my friends moved out of city. We never planned to stay after college…so, everybody moved except me!

I am here, it has been a year. I should have had some friends here by now. But the fact is I don’t. It has been both difficult and fun. I’ve spent more time with myself then I ever did before.

I have made this habit of roaming around the city, eating, going to movies, shopping…all by myself. And to be true, I somewhat enjoy it.

I went to a movie yesterday (Don’t ask, it was extremely boring!)

Well, the thing is I ordered sweet corn and the guy at the food counter was kind enough to serve me at my seat. The guy came up to me with this cup full of spicy corn with two spoons in it. I looked at the cup then looked at him. He gave me a slight smile and left. I looked at the cup again rather at the spoons I must say, for a little too long.

Why was it so obvious that I would have company?

No, it did not make me feel friendless or forlorn but it sure made me think about all the people who I wish were sitting beside me. The company that I desire lives miles and miles away from me. And I don’t want friends for the sake of just having someone; to think of them as substitutes. I would never prefer being one myself.

I have no idea what I am trying to convey.

Sometimes you feel a lot of things but you don’t know how to interpret them and that should be okay I guess.

The next time I go there and if they hand me a single spoon, I am definitely going to ask for an extra one 🙂

PS: All you guys, I miss you!

WordPress Discover Numbers

Cracked Rearview

To,

what has left me or what I have left behind through these years…

  1. Grandma and Grandpa – I miss you terribly, you will stay in my heart forever.
  2. My once-best-friend – I miss you and I love you for the person you are. You will forever be the most amazing person I’ve met. Thank you for all the love, memories and lessons.
  3. My high school/college friends – We may not be in touch like we promised but thank you for all the giggles and timeless memories.
  4. Duke and Lucy – A doberman and a golden retriever; you changed my life in a wonderful way…you taught me compassion and love. I miss you both.
  5. My hometown – Even though I visit frequently, I don’t think I’ll ever get to actually live there now. It will forever be home though; like they say- ‘Home is where the heart is’.
  6. My impulsive streak – You are missed, really missed. All the extra thought that goes behind every little thing now, exhausts me!
  7. The old me – You were so much more stupid than I’m today, still…I sort of love you. Thank you for the connate stupidity. It has made me who I’m today.

 

I try to adjust the rear-view sometimes. But it never seems to form a clear picture.

I don’t complain, it is broken. There are small pieces missing here and there.

I can still form vague images.

What I see makes me simper and weep at the same time. I miss some of it, some of it not.

With time, we leave behind so much and gather so much more. I am glad for it all,  to have happened the way it did.

In Response: The Weekly Discover Challenge 

THE HEART WANTS WHAT IT WANTS

Our heart has a strange way on us. It has immense power…because everything we feel comes from it. It can give us wonderful feelings where everything is so happy and life just goes like it should. Things seem to work so well and everything falls into place! It is perfect. While it has ways of making us happy, there are times when it just flips. Like one moment it was something and now an entirely different being! You were so happy and then you don’t know what takes you down. It is so very mysterious and fascinating! Yes, human emotions are complex!
‘Follow your heart’ is a phrase that is easier said than done. You realize the seriousness of it when you are stuck in a situation where your heart tells you something but the mind states otherwise. It is like a tug of war inside you. Heart flips, things change and shit happens! (No matter you want it or not, the heart wants what is wants!) You know how you feel and your heart knows that it is true but what do you do when, the hearts verdict is not the best thing to do? We have several other lives that are weaved around us and all our decisions leave an impact on them. What do you do when you realize your responsibility towards them? Either you follow your heart and live with the guilt, the rest of your life or you bury what you feel, inside and compromise with the situation. Either way you suffer. Why is it necessary to pay a price for what I feel? Some questions have no answers I guess.

 

Life does not come with a user’s manual, there are no rules. Something that seems right to me may not be the right thing from your perspective. It is full of hindrances but then there is magic too! There is not a perfect way to live your life…you just need to discover what works the best for you. We are flawed at saying that one should always follow his heart, when we have no idea what price one would have to pay for it and the same goes for following your mind. Decisions are hard to make and I guess that is okay. Nobody promised that it was going to be easy! Whatever it is….and whichever way it goes, it is worth living. Make sure you capture the true essence of life!

Miles Apart But Never At Heart!

We often tend to feel that we are most attached to the people we spend majority of our time with (by choice of course). That is an easy assumption to make. We live and breathe around them…eat and sing around them, they are the ones we interact with, the most. They know so so much about us! They are the help within our hands reach then be it any sort of problem we are going through. So very true!
But we cannot deny the fact that exceptions exist. The same goes for our relationships. We have friends and family, people we live with and they are closer than ever. But then there are certain people, we do not get to see on an everyday basis, they may not even cross our mind while we work our way through the day and we may meet or talk to them after what we call an eternity. Still these gaps do not seem to hamper our relationship with them. It appears like magic to me! I do not talk to them or share things with them daily nor do I just get home and blabber about how hard the day was or how cute that guy on the bus stop was.  They are not a part of my routine, yet somehow they manage to secure their place in my busy life. I have a handful of such people in my life. With some I have had the pleasure of spending a lot of time in the past and that is what concretes my bond with them while there are some others I have never spent much time with yet we swing along….just like that! We talk on the phone after five months and it is like nothing has changed at all. The gap just seems to vanish in a poof as soon as I hear their voices. I see them after years and we get along just like that, there is so much to talk about that I almost forget to breathe!(sigh)

 

I have come to realize that ‘Time’ and ‘Distance’ are not factors as important as I thought they were when it comes to our relationships. It does not matter who my oldest friend is or who is the one I spend most of my time with. It is the bond that matters. I may have known some for years yet they do not mean as much as a friend, who I met a few months ago. It is all about who has earned a place in my heart and made a little home there itself. We meet so many people yet there are just a few we wish to keep by our side. We know, we may not see them every day but it is that silent little voice in our hearts…that knows that they are always there! Cause some bonds are forever! ❤