How were we meant to be ready for worlds destined to burn?
“Often when Adnan told stories he would zero in on some small moment when someone was kind to him. I can imagine how you would seize these kindnesses and they nest in your brain forever.”
Says, Sarah Koenig; Season 1, Episode 9…The Serial.
I have been hooked on to this podcast called ‘Serial’. It is intriguing and keeps you at the edge of your chair. Adnan, did he kill his ex-girlfriend Hae Min Lee? Did he not?
All through the season, I was in a fix. One moment, I told myself, no he can not do it. No way. In another fifteen minutes, I would doubt, or did he?
A lot of people who knew Adnan said something like –
“The Adnan I know would never do something like this. No.”
And I thought to myself- “Hmm, they are people who have grown with him and they want to believe that he is not a killer but they are not sure. Wow!”
Which makes me think a lot about people. Do we really know the people we think we know? Are they hundred percent real with us? How sure can you really be that your dear friend is not a serial killer in secret?
I know these questions sound exaggerated and a little off. More so, weird in every sense.
Why would I even think that? But this podcast is non-fiction and Adnan…well he has been serving a life sentence for the past fifteen years.
It is very disturbing in every sense.
I started my post with a quote from Sarah, how little acts of kindness stick with Adnan. I think kindness sticks with the kind. You can not truly appreciate kindness unless you have given it freely to others. Life is give and take.
It sends shivers down my spine to even begin imagining…Adnan strangling Hae in her car while she struggles and gasps for air until she is still; dead.
Just doesn’t sink. Not for someone who remembers and appreciates a grocery guy slipping him a free candy bar or a stranger who flashed him a random smile on a dull day.
I am torn and I don’t know what to do with this feeling.
Listen to the Serial if you can, it will leave you feeling different.
It is weird how we hope for kindness and love. How desperate we become at times to seek goodness in this big wide world of ours.
I just hope, for our sake, that we find it, always.
“I don’t know the truth of you
but I have that feeling in my stomach
you get before your whole life changes.”
You don’t see them coming. They start little cyclones.
and you are off your feet. Flying.
You resist. In vain.
They are strong and dedicated. Craving for you.
Why are you so afraid girl?
All these dreams. You hate them.
The seeds of doubt have grown into a thick-dense forest.
Sunlight won’t crack through the wilderness.
So, you keep telling yourself that it is better not to think.
Better not to dream. Why love?
Will it even last?
Oh, but you are in love. Flying.
Do you realize?
A little home, with your beloved.
Warm orange sunsets; sipping tea on the porch.
The frail white curtain dancing,
to the light-soothing wind of the evening.
You make pancakes and coffee and twirl to his music.
He sets your heart singing.
You are happy. Both of you are.
You lip sync old songs in the moonlight,
swaying to the music in harmony
you look at him,
his eyelids twitching,
You have the world in your arms.
you lean in and kiss him
he tastes like the universe.
Fireworks, like they say.
You have dreamt a lifetime.
Evenings glowing with love.
The kind of love you read about in books,
the kind that they write songs about.
The kind of love that makes you glow.
The kind that changes your life for good.
A love that is poetry.
I think about you.
and I ask myself,
Shall I dream? Just once.
For I can not,
not dream now.
Oh, I am in love. Flying.
Singing your tune,
my feet don’t rest.
I have just one thing to tell you-
Scrolling randomly through Pinterest, I came across the term- ‘Destination Addiction’
It made me stop and think. We often think of happiness as something that lies in the future. There is so much on our lists and we want it all checked. Never realizing that the list is never ending, we cross off one item and add five others. There is always more to achieve!
It is really cool to have goals and to keep progressing but I think in the process I’ve lost perspective to my own happiness a lot of times. Most of the days I’m so focused on the list that when I check off one item, I actually forget to celebrate my achievement; let alone celebrate, sometimes I do not even acknowledge or give myself a tiny bit of appreciative motivation that “Awesome! You did it!”.
There is always something bigger. There is always a next.
Happiness can’t be the end-feeling of something. It can’t merely be a prize for checking that thesis off your list or getting that promotion. It can’t be something that superficial, can it?
It just doesn’t sound right.
Last month, I was given an assignment by my professor; she asked the class to write down something that ‘surprised you’ on a daily basis, no matter how tiny or huge. I was on it for a month and I often caught myself smiling while drafting the list. To my surprise, some days I could add even three to four things to the list.
The task gave me some perspective. I started noticing the little things and how they made me smile. On any regular day, I might have just missed feeling the nice-feeling because I was constantly invested in the future. The assignment is now a daily thing and I am grateful for all the little things; they fuel my happiness.
lately, I’ve developed a love for photography. Capturing everyday beauty, anything that makes me smile. Anything that sets a brighter tone to my day.
Some color to keep you going through the week! 🙂
Much love ❤
You taught me about:
Love that knows nothing.
Half and incomplete.
Feelings that are fleeting.
Transient and shallow.
Tears that are momentary.
Meaningless and unworthy.
Respect that is absent.
Given but never received.
Peace that feels like a war within.
Contradictory and trash.
You taught me so much,
about feelings, respect, peace, and love! Bitter Love.
My evenings are dreamy these days. While I’m on a break, I have all the time in the world to steal a sunset as I sip my evening coffee.
I remember, a month back I was deep into my office routine. I left early one day and it was then I realized that I hadn’t seen a sunset in a while.
Here is a picture of the sun setting behind the giant Gulmohar in my garden.
I laugh way too hard at your lame jokes.
The funny thing being, it’s all so damn real.
A wide grin lingers on my lips…
I see how your eyes soften when you watch me smile.
And for the first time,
I want to stay.
Yes, for you…I will stay.
Why do you crave for it so much? So bad?
Another day isn’t promised. You know that.
You want to be certain about the next twenty years of your life.
Don’t you see it?
Life never sticks to the plan.
It has a tendency to wander; to stray.
Why are you up at 3 am? Again. Tell me.
Speculating your choices, over and over?
Cursing yourself, are you?
Those seeds of doubt you’ve been planting for years,
aren’t you afraid that you’d be lost in the dark wilderness that they’ll grow into?
You need the warmth of the sun.
Let the rays shine through.
Build, for sure. But live more.
Doubt when needed. But believe more.
Uncertainty is inevitable.
Why the fuss? the stars would say.
They’ll laugh out loud on your ways.
Give this universe a chance. Will you?
Maybe, it’s directionless too.
I want the kind of love that puts a ‘damn’ in front of a simple ‘I love you’.
The kind that takes your breath away,
and puts a ‘God!!’ in front of an honest ‘I don’t want to live without you’.
While I am on the drill;
I want to steal misty sunsets with you.
Sip coffee under the rising moon,
my head resting on your shoulder.
I want to hold your gaze from across the room,
while we are laughing our lungs out.
I want to steal beer breathed kisses in the kitchen,
while we take more food out.
I want to fight and scream at you,
for driving me crazy the way you do.
Honey, then I want to feel you smiling
when I hug you tight.
So many mediocre things in life,
I want our love to feel unreal,
every once a while.