is my plant lazy?

We’re expected to be slaves, good slaves to time.
What are your flaws?
Tell me.

“It’s been 3 years! You didn’t get that degree.”
“Oh, you’re 30. Why aren’t you married yet?”
And more.

Remove time.
What is it anyway?

Listen to this…
There’s a marigold and rose plant in my garden.
The marigold blooms all golden, so very often. Also, it grows fast.
The rose on the other hand, flowers once a month. One beautiful pink flower and it is smaller, growing at it’s own pace.

But wait, I think there’s a problem;
I think the rose is just lazy and lost and incapable.

Does that make any sense to you?!

Who’d be stupid enough to call a plant lazy, hmm?

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Image credits: unsplash.com

somewhere between ambition and general impulse…

The other day I was discussing stuff with some people at work and all of them talked about the things they want to do in life. And all the ‘things they want to do’ were related to their jobs or money. They were all so driven. One wanted a promotion, the other wants to be the creative head of a big firm. I tried to place myself somewhere between all this. I wanted to contribute to the discussion but I was at a loss of words.

Sure, I know a few things I want from my life but I won’t call them goals in the sense of the discussion that I was involved in. If I voiced them, they would probably laugh or think that I am weird. I can tell you the next three books I want to read. Or, where I want to travel next.
Wants. Goals. The words can mean different things to different people, isn’t it?

I have a sense of what I am seeking in life- it is natural happiness. Now, if I tell you this, you might think “Okay! Well, that sounds philosophical but we are talking about real goals!”
I refuse to be anything but naturally happy and with whatever minimum experience I have at life, I have come to realize that I can’t set parameters around this ‘natural happiness’ of mine. It is free and flying. The moment I try to quantify it or create a structure around it in order to give it a vague definition, it just vanishes. It doesn’t conform to structures and rules. And if you think about it, it makes so much sense. To say, nothing natural grows in a confined space or strict boundaries.

I am on a path that lies somewhere between ambition and general impulse. And I have a very clear line between my wants and needs. Also, I’m grateful for the times when they overlap.

I can’t plant a bush and ask it to flower on the 7th of May, 2:30 pm. Plant life doesn’t work like that. Life doesn’t work like that.

So, if I tell myself “Listen, get that promotion in one year and you’ll be happy” and by the end of that one year I have it but I’m still not happy, I don’t know who to blame it on or where to look for that happiness of mine after that. I would rather just tell myself “Listen, get that promotion in the next one year, you need the money.”
I am afraid of making false promises to self, my heart isn’t strong enough to take a blow of that magnitude, the world we live in is rough enough for it.
The whole concept of backing my happiness with material goals makes me feel lost. I want to believe that it just-can not-be-material. Life would lose its depth. And no, I am not ready to believe that that is all there is to life.
Not today.

Dear I

Dear I,

I fear you.
I fear, for you are capable of so much.
Love. Destruction. Life.
You are the sky and the earth. You are flesh and bones.
Magic and stars. Yet, nothing.

You are life racing towards death. It’s just overwhelming.

However, I’ve fathomed that to live with you is to surrender. Surrender to being. Surrender to life. And so, I’m writing to tell you that I’ve embraced you and my fear of you. After all, being fearless is allowing yourself to feel.
Vulnerable is honest, real. So, the most beautiful way to feel life is to stand unfortified. Come what may, I have you. You and I, we are one. There is no other way for us exist or we’ll perish and die. Die without living.

That’d be pretty sad, I’d say.

I want us to live beyond things of time and sense. Experience life for it’s chasms and peaks.

I feel sorry that I didn’t write to you earlier. I was so afraid of you and the things you might do and even more so for the things that you’d never do. How we together, would miss out on life and the mystical purpose of it.

It took me some time but now I see and I see it with clarity that I’m you and you are I.

Love,
Your soul and spirit