Why do I blog?

This week I crossed of 100 followers on Vanilla with Sprinkles!

When I saw the notification pop up on my phone, I couldn’t help but wonder how long it took me to get here…almost two years. I don’t know how to get followers, publicize or do something that draws more traffic to my blog and then I thought that’s completely okay. I never started my blog with an aim of gaining followers or recognition. It is something I started for myself and the purpose still remains the same. I write for myself and for everyone like me. Going by that, I think I’ve done pretty great so far (Pat on the back!)

Writing liberates me, my blog provides with a space where I can pen down all the things I want to say. When fellow bloggers like my posts or leave comments, it makes me feel peaceful…knowing that there are people who resonate. You always know there are people like you but they are so hard to find in this big…big world! Often you feel like nobody understands which in turn makes you feel alone and lost. My blog has been my happy place; it has given me the space to be crazy-happy-sad-angry all of it! It makes me feel that I have a voice and there are people who are listening.

The same applies when I follow blogs, I can’t simply follow a blog or like someone’s posts to get a follow back. I just don’t understand how that would satisfy me, I know it won’t. I want to read about people, their happy and sad stories. I want to look at beautiful pictures..pictures that talk to me. Read about fascinatingly ordinary experiences and live them alongside. I want to be there for other people and I want them to know that they’re being heard. I want them to know they are not alone.

So, this is a simple note of gratitude to all the people who choose to stay by my side. Thank you for listening and telling me everyday that I am not alone.

Much Love ‚̧

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My time at the cafe

Do you have a Happy Place?

Recently I was exchanging comments with a fellow blogger about places and what they are like. It made me think about my time at the Cafe.

Yes, it’s THE Cafe! I go there alone, usually to write. Sometimes to think or to read.

The place is old and a little worn out. The sign sometimes tilts a little and the corner light occasionally flickers. I know the music, what song will play next; I know the playlist by-heart. The guy at the counter knows that I like my water cold and my latte plain- no cream, no syrup. The second tile near the counter creaks; I deliberately step on it each time so that I can listen to the sound of it. The tree outside is a beautiful one, with it branches low. Autumn turns its leaves orange and yellow and the wind russtles lightly through it. I have seen it endure some storms too. After around four in the evening, the sun peeks at me through its netted branches. I always look up at it from my spot (Oh, I forgot to tell you about my spot, the second sofa to the right of the door and another one to the left, if ever my spot is occupied). 

Most of the days, a man visits the cafe. He sits on the table that is diagonally across me outside the door- always. 

He sits down and places his keys plus a pack of cigarettes side by side at the corner of the table- always. 

Then looks up at me and waves with a bright smile on his face- ALWAYS. 

And always, I wave back ūüôā

Somedays he keeps looking at his phone or he reads the newspaper. I don’t know his name still I’d like to call him my friend. Because there have been days when I was thinking and writing about something really sad but then he comes along and smiles at me in such a warm way that my mood lifts a little. He does not know this but he is one of the reasons that make my time at the cafe so peaceful. I’d like to talk to him someday or maybe not.

This place is good for my soul, I fathomed. When I am here I think better, clearer ; It is like my mind palace. When I am not writing anything, I just look out of the window at things, people. The simplest of things like the wasp buzzing outside the pane or the froth in my coffee slowly dying – seem to be interesting. Even though I am alone, I feel at peace with myself and my place in this universe. Looking at the lights passing by, things seem to slow down- like I am sitting there, cozy all by myself and everything passes by in such blinding speed that I can feel my breath; pulse twitching on my wrist. Yes, I exist and I am at peace.

This cafe has given me so many stories, feelings, memories and smiles. I’ve filled diaries here, written some beautiful lines, read wonderful books; I have thought about people, forgiveness, hatered, love, gratitude.

I am so thankful that this cafe exists.
I think everyone deserves a place like this!

A Moment’s Sillage

Transient; always reminds me of another word- ‘Sillage‘.  It’s French, I suppose.

Sillage; The lingering of scent.

I like to inherit it in a more general sense. ‘A moment’s sillage‘ ; that is meant to diffuse and vanish. Like the lingering beauty of fireworks after they disappear from the dark inked sky leaving behind specks of fire that still crackle a little while you keep staring at the sky with wonder and beauty your eyes.

Transient has the same effect. You have this beautiful moment before your eyes and you know in that very moment, that it is determined to fade away. The beauty of it however, lingers around after it vanishes.

I’m no photographer but I like taking pictures. Every picture in a way is an evidence of how transitory life really is. Every moment is a fleeting moment. It is here and then it goes away just like that,..without you even noticing it. It just goes by moment after moment. Here are some of the best transient memories from my pocket-

A small town…called HOME

There is a sweet attachment that one has with the place they hail from. Be it a great big city or a small town. Geographically, be it of immense importance or simply lost on the map. You belong to the place and now, it dwells within you somehow.

The sweet nostalgia when you saunter through the streets of the town. I live away but I still call it my home. I might have spent a substantial amount of time in this other lovely city but it will never be home to me.

When asked,¬†“Where are you leaving for?”

I always answer,¬†“Home”

‘Coming home’ is a¬†feeling and this place gives me just that.

Strolling through the market, the shop-owner gives me a bright smile and slips an extra chocolate in my grocery bag. He recognizes the small girl he once knew and I guess she is still the same for him.

In the pitch dark sky, I see thousands and thousands of stars twinkling as I lay on my terrace for hours. The sound of  crickets and  occasional cries of the peacock from the jungle, mingle with the silence that warmly wraps my home atop the hill.

As I put up some little twinkling lights in my garden and look at my parents sitting, sipping tea…the corners of their eyes wrinkling with laughter…I certainly know that this is HOME.

 

Weekly Discover Challenge

A Cup and Two Spoons

It has been over a year since my friends moved out of city. We never planned to stay after college…so, everybody moved except me!

I am here, it has been a year. I should have had some friends here by now. But the fact is I don’t. It has been both difficult and fun. I’ve spent more time with myself then I ever did before.

I have made this habit of roaming around the city, eating, going to movies, shopping…all by myself. And to be true, I somewhat enjoy it.

I went to a movie yesterday (Don’t ask, it was extremely boring!)

Well, the thing is I ordered sweet corn and the guy at the food counter was kind enough to serve me at my seat. The guy came up to me with this cup full of spicy corn with two spoons in it. I looked at the cup then looked at him. He gave me a slight smile and left. I looked at the cup again rather at the spoons I must say, for a little too long.

Why was it so obvious that I would have company?

No, it did not make me feel friendless or forlorn¬†but it sure made me think about all the people who I wish were sitting beside me. The company that I desire lives miles and miles away from me. And I don’t want friends for the sake of just having someone; to think of them as substitutes. I would never prefer being one myself.

I have no idea what I am trying to convey.

Sometimes you feel a lot of things but you don’t know how to interpret them and that should be okay I guess.

The next time I go there and if they hand me a single spoon, I am definitely going to ask for an extra one ūüôā

PS: All you guys, I miss you!

WordPress Discover Numbers

Cracked Rearview

To,

what has left me or what I have left behind through these years…

  1. Grandma and Grandpa – I miss you terribly, you will stay in my heart forever.
  2. My once-best-friend – I miss you and I love you for the person you are. You will forever be the most amazing person I’ve met. Thank you for all the love, memories and lessons.
  3. My high school/college friends РWe may not be in touch like we promised but thank you for all the giggles and timeless memories.
  4. Duke and Lucy – A doberman and a golden retriever; you¬†changed my life in a wonderful way…you taught me compassion and love. I miss you both.
  5. My hometown – Even though I visit frequently, I don’t think I’ll ever get to actually live there now. It will forever be home though; like they say- ‘Home is where the heart is’.
  6. My impulsive streak РYou are missed, really missed. All the extra thought that goes behind every little thing now, exhausts me!
  7. The old me – You were so much more stupid than I’m today, still…I sort of love you. Thank you for the connate stupidity. It has made me who I’m today.

 

I try to adjust the rear-view sometimes. But it never seems to form a clear picture.

I don’t complain, it is broken. There are small pieces missing here and there.

I can still form vague images.

What I see makes me simper and weep at the same time. I miss some of it, some of it not.

With time, we leave behind so much and gather so much more. I am glad for it all,  to have happened the way it did.

In Response: The Weekly Discover Challenge 

A Regular Day…

Yesterday was as regular as any other day.

Same old me, same old routine.

Yet, something was different.

I can’t seem to fathom out, what exactly!

Get up Рgrab breakfast + the everyday music Рget ready for work Рday at work Рback home Рdinner Рregular phone calls with family & friends Рdaily dose of web surfing Рsleep

Nope! no plus-minus to my routine.

Yet it felt completely different!

I wasn’t just listening to music; I actually enjoyed it and hummed and swayed along as I had my breakfast.

Upon reaching office, I greeted people…smiled at them and for a change, the smile was real.

At the end of the day, when home, I just closed my eyes and relaxed, all things good…popped up in my head (Take my word, not even a single negative thought; everything seemed like a blessing.)

Words can’t suffice the way it felt. I guess, we live for days like these.

I wish I could feel this more often.

Life is meant to be simple.

We don’t always need a reason¬†to be happy ūüôā

Wish you many such happy days! Cheers to life ‚̧

A List Of 18 Random Things About Me

This is a stupid list. I enjoy doing stupid things though.

  1. I love writing in CAPITALS. I think it makes my handwriting look pretty.
  2. I love getting slowly absorbed in the glimmer of yellow lights.
  3. I have a thing with synchronicity. I am obsessed with it in my own weird way.
  4. I love..as in…seriously love, dogs.
  5. I love scribbling on tissue papers.
  6. I have never wanted to be a Princess or a Queen.
  7. I feel there is no such thing as MAGIC. It is a feeling; the thought makes me happy.
  8. I am a ‘wear-slippers-all-time’ kind of girl.
  9. Winter is my favorite but I love the rains.
  10. I really hope ‘the-nice-stranger-from-the-coffee-shop’ stays a ‘stranger-friend’ always. I tend to like ‘the know, yet do not know’ thing.
  11. I love making¬†smiles¬†everywhere. Dusty panes, froth, crushed ice, water….everywhere =)
  12. I love when I can get back to an old song as if it is new and put it on repeat.
  13. I think clouds are pretty amazing. They can  change form..fly..look pretty..pour..and disappear, WOW!
  14. I enjoy drafting silly random lists, like this one.
  15. I really want to go live in the mountains, no matter how lame it sounds.
  16. I have an alarmingly strange level of dislike for frogs.
  17. I miss playing with the red velvet mite, like I used to as a kid.
  18. I love listening to the sound of trees rustling in the wind.

That is it.

Ever tried jotting down a list like this? It is fun! =)

WordPress Discover Numbers

in-DEPENDENT

1_500

We are all so INDEPENDENT these days! aren’t we? I mean look, how we are responsible for our own actions, thoughts, decisions…our entire lives! No, I am not being sarcastic at all. In fact, I like to think of myself that way. My choices..my life. We are enough for ourselves and we are responsible for what we do. Yet, sometimes, when in the dark, left alone with my thoughts I can not deny that I feel the need to talk to someone. Anyone. We are not truly independent…we can never be…we will always need other people. When I say independent I do not mean it in the conventional sense of the word. I tend to think of it in terms of ‘other people’ in ‘our lives’. Relationships are complex these days, I guess our lifestyle has made it that way or maybe we have changed or maybe something else..ego, self sufficiency or simply ‘I don’t need anyone’ attitude.

Sometimes I wonder, why do I talk to certain people I don’t really know? Nor do they know me…and then I feel that this specific ‘not knowing’ might be the reason. Or why do I write this blog?

“Because I like writing”

Or maybe because I don’t know who is reading it at the moment. I don’t know the half of you yet I still write all this. What for? Maybe hope and relief. That some people…somewhere might be reading this and they understand all of it. They don’t know me yet they understand. I hope that someone relates to all this and that someone feels the same way as I do. I am not alone after all.

MAYBE ūüôā

PS: In our independent, the ‘dependent’ will forever be in bold. ūüôā