Star Ablaze

I veered off the trail. Just yesterday.

I’d been suffering, walking on it.

Following the dim star.

So I woke up and decided not to go after it anymore.

It scares me now, a little.

It’s gone. The star I never loved.

It’s dark and I can see tracks no more.

But I know I’ll keep walking.

There is more to belief than just light.

More to me than following a dying star.

I guess I’ll be my own light.

I’m ablaze within.

Enough to be my own dazzling star.

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A ‘could be fairytale’

I’d been leaving. Piece by piece.

For a while.

Every time you wanted me to not want what I wanted.

I drifted.

I wanted things. Things for myself. Us. You.

And then you told me I was wrong, oh so often.

Looking for feelings in things. When I was not.

I was looking for them in you.

I told you how I was withering. Layer by layer.

You thought it was us, withering.

And so we did. Fade.

I had an inkling of the end.

It crashed in sooner than I thought it would.

So often than not. We did become what we said we won’t.

I said flower. You heard thorn.

You said rain. I heard drought.

We were We. It then turned to Me.

A flip of sides. A flip of our synchronicity.

Oh, it was a lovely tale.

A cast of transient magic.

A storm that weakened as soon as it formed.

An unquenched thirst.

Unfinished poetry.

Spilled paint, on a masterpiece.

In response to Daily Prompt: Inkling

Something about Self-doubt

I cried for about an hour today. Then I called a friend and talked to her for another hour. Two hours of unrest and kiddish bellowing is what it took, for me to come back to my normal self.

Let me tell you why. It was because another friend (a relatively new person in my life) called me and said a few things implying that I’m indifferent and cold.

I took it in a playful manner until I realized that he really meant what he said. The words were right from his heart.

I told him nothing, apart from this that his perception is flawed (because it’s sketchy in the sense that he does not know me completely). Also, I am unable to understand his random ranter for the very same reason; I do not know him enough.

I said this but I didn’t really believe in it at that point. I asked myself quietly “Am I really a cold person?” and tears followed.

While I was on the phone I realized that this very unrest of mine is a counter to his perception. I am not cold, certainly not indifferent. Else, I would not have been sitting in my balcony, crying on the phone because someone called me a few mean things. My friend on the phone told me the same “You should not let this get to your heart cause you know it’s not true. He might be a good person but he is certainly not in a position from where he sees you as the person you really are.” 

We are all very different people and we should at all times be mindful of the same. Things are not always how they seem and so is the case with people. They are so much more than what we see. Just because someone wasn’t kind to you once, does not mean their heart is devoid of kindness and love. Someone said a few mean words does not lead to the conclusion that they are vile. Hasty conclusions are most often worth trash.

People take time. Friendship takes time. So should you, before you make a judgment.

Whether you like it or not other people will judge you. Mostly as the person, you are not. You might have done the same a lot of times, we are all human.

The point of my childish complaining being – Do not nurture self-doubt in your soul over flawed verdicts on your nature. You are not what other people define you to be. And if people are not patient enough to see you as the person you are really are, let them be. The fault is not yours.

We are all worthy of time and patience. Cut yourself some slack and be kind enough to allow other people the same.

 

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NANOPOBLANO17

Sharing is caring! Check out some of these cool blogs, they are participating in Nano PoBlano17:
David Ellis @ TooFullToWrite Blog
Tooks @ mrtookles (insta-blog)

Kate @ Will Wally Wonder 

Varad @ Loose End of the Red Thread

The Don @ Blended in the Middle Blog 

Palak @ Expressions Blog 

Victoria @ The Loneliness of the Stay-at-Home-Mother Blog 

Namratha @ NamySaysSo Blog 

Ka Malana @ Fiestaestrellas!

Edward @ Edward Fagan Blog

Robert @ Fresh Off the Pad Poetry

Lizzie Ward @ Cats and Chocolate Blog 

Jesska @ Not Throwing Stones

Quixie @ Quixie’s Mind Palace

Heather @ tUrtlettE Blog 

Sarah @ TZBlog

Matt @ The Matticus Kingdom

Cyn @ That Cynking Feeling

 

Seven Days B&W Pictures: DAY#3- Light

Let there be light.

IMG-20170804-WA0008-01.jpeg

Seven days. Seven black and white photos of your life. No people. No explanation. Challenge someone new each day.

Hello Biko (Pieced by HB), you are welcome to try the challenge if you wish!

Musings #2

“We live in a bubble. So comfortable, we cannot see the trouble”

This line is from the song ‘Chained to the Rhythm’ by Katy Perry. It gets to me each time.

Isn’t it true? That’s what all of us want from life. That is what we are making it.

A life of illusions. We are determined to drag ourselves away from the pits and chasms. When we truly know, a weave of valleys and uphills is what renders life it’s true essence.

The sunset and the sunrise.

The bud and the blossomed flower about to fall.

Storms are fierce, bold…they can tear things apart. However, as they pass they create a bed for new blossoms. Embrace the storms just like you embrace the blossom.

 

NANOPOBLANO17

 

Life is Vanilla

Lacking a bit of inspiration, I headed to the Daily post today. Looking for a prompt or maybe a photo challenge.  The Weekly photo challenge  said – Pedestrian.

I am not much of a photographer but I like taking pictures. So I’ll give this post an appropriate image for the sake of it but what really popped into my head upon reading the word was my own blog- Vanilla with Sprinkles.

Vanilla is regular, ordinary….kind of Pedestrian.

The title holds a deep significance for me and  I’m really attached to it. As a little girl, when I started writing I told myself that my first book will be one named ‘Vanilla with Sprinkles’ and I was so proud for coming up with this name. Unfortunately I haven’t written any books yet. In the process of searching for a name for my blog, I hopped from one idea to another and nothing quite made sense to me. Anyway, I put up a random name and started writing. Each time I looked at my blog I wanted to call it something else. Then one fine day, reading through my old diary I stumbled upon the desires of my past and there it was – VANILLA WITH SPRINKLES! Along with a rough plot starting for my so-called book. I read through the 4 page plot and smiled at myself, to be true…it was pretty lame. Then, I stared at the title, neatly written in bold with a colored pen and I knew right then what I had to do.

My blog, is my very first writing venture. This is something that has always kept my hopes of becoming a writer alive. I may not have attempted a book yet but I always find the time to keep my blog alive and that means a lot to me. I go back and read my old posts sometimes and it makes me realize how my writing has changed and grown along with me. I am way more honest and carefree today than I was back then. Being honest with my writings has brought me so much of peace and it renders essence to what I put down.

Getting back to vanilla, I love the phrase cause it is honest and raw…that is what life is; Life is Vanilla with a shower of different sprinkles;

A smile, a tight hug, a happy tear, a glimpse of hopeful sadness…

A good book, the fragrance of freshly brewed coffee, an afternoon nap…

The crunch of leaves beneath your foot, an old song, crackling of fire wood and crashing of sea waves…

Plain old vanilla is just fine…and then you have such a wide variety of sprinkles to add that finishing touch 🙂

Do You Need Social Media Validation?

Social media is such a curse at times.

It is 3 in the morning..I can’t sleep so I’m on my phone. I browse through Instagram accounts and the process continues like a chain reaction; one account to another then another and another!

I occasionally end up on someone’s account and I don’t know her. “Wow! She is pretty”, I tell myself. This girl is extremely pretty and it’s been just two pictures and I find myself wishing I could be a little like her. I want to dress like her, smile like her, photograph my food like she does. Then there is this other person, travelling and making the best of life. Paris- Barcelona- Venice- Maldives- Greece; he has been everywhere and God! Those pictures! “You have a terribly boring life” I tell myself as I continue to stare at the beautiful landscapes in those fancy pictures.

This feeling of being like somebody when you are not even aware who you are wishing to be is negative. It is toxic.
It’s funny how easy it is to get validation on social media. Click a fancy picture, apply a few filters, add trendy hashtags and voila! It rains likes, people envy you and your life.

Don’t get me wrong, I am one among the crowd..pretty active on social media. I have all the major social connects on my phone and I spend a substantial amount of my time on these platforms… completely drowned in all that it has to offer.

The point is, my self esteem or happiness does not in any way depend on it anymore. I learned my lesson quite early.

I remember, it was the era of Orkut and I was in high school. Orkut was the thing then. Adding albums after albums, I remember sending scraps to my friend who lived next door. Both of us glued to our desktops. We were so fascinated by the trend back then that sometimes we would sit together and write each other testimonials (remember the testimonials section on Orkut? it used to be my favorite!). Every time someone wrote me a testimonial I would read it ten times and smile to myself. It felt good…all that validation!

It took me quite some time to realize where I was going with all of this and that it needed to stop. I had a really fulfilling life outside of it.

There are people who appreciate and love me genuinely, way more than the people who wrote me half baked testimonials; people who did not know the real me. Something so far away from my soul and my real life should not impact my self perception in any way, at all. Like everything else, these media platforms have have their positives and negatives. They have so much to offer! Pick what you like; indulge; have fun; drown if you wish to.

There is just one thing not to do- Do not let your self worth depend on it in any way. Virtual likes and opinions do not define who you are.

 

Image Credits: Bitmoji