The girl on the bus ♥️

She sits by my side on the bed…a puppet in her hand, gazing at the screen. Her chocolate brown hair a mess and her voice happy like a child. Oh that smile! God! I have always adored it, the warmth it brings into my life is unparalleled. I know how I would turn the earth around for that one smile.

There is a girl, a wild one. She is free like the wind yet restrained by her will. She carries oceans and storms within her soul, you can’t just tame that spirit…it’s fierce, beautifully fierce. When you stare into her eyes you can’t look for long…they are deep and they speak volumes. It takes a heap of strength to look her in the eye, those eyes are all knowing. She will take you places and you’ll together make everywhere a home. You will wander, you will be lost but when you close your eyes and turn by your side…you’ll feel her warmth. She will sing melodies and you will never in your life be willing to listen to any other voice. Her voice resonates and reaches for you. She is strength and courage, love and hope, tune and melody. She is a healer…so if you are lucky enough…she will reach for your hand or maybe ask you to share your music with her. Take that hand…share that song cause some people are once in a lifetime. They are precious and once they touch your life it’s never the same again.

She changed mine. I found her on a bus five years ago….I shared a song with her and all my life thereafter♥️

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My time at the cafe

Do you have a Happy Place?

Recently I was exchanging comments with a fellow blogger about places and what they are like. It made me think about my time at the Cafe.

Yes, it’s THE Cafe! I go there alone, usually to write. Sometimes to think or to read.

The place is old and a little worn out. The sign sometimes tilts a little and the corner light occasionally flickers. I know the music, what song will play next; I know the playlist by-heart. The guy at the counter knows that I like my water cold and my latte plain- no cream, no syrup. The second tile near the counter creaks; I deliberately step on it each time so that I can listen to the sound of it. The tree outside is a beautiful one, with it branches low. Autumn turns its leaves orange and yellow and the wind russtles lightly through it. I have seen it endure some storms too. After around four in the evening, the sun peeks at me through its netted branches. I always look up at it from my spot (Oh, I forgot to tell you about my spot, the second sofa to the right of the door and another one to the left, if ever my spot is occupied). 

Most of the days, a man visits the cafe. He sits on the table that is diagonally across me outside the door- always. 

He sits down and places his keys plus a pack of cigarettes side by side at the corner of the table- always. 

Then looks up at me and waves with a bright smile on his face- ALWAYS. 

And always, I wave back 🙂

Somedays he keeps looking at his phone or he reads the newspaper. I don’t know his name still I’d like to call him my friend. Because there have been days when I was thinking and writing about something really sad but then he comes along and smiles at me in such a warm way that my mood lifts a little. He does not know this but he is one of the reasons that make my time at the cafe so peaceful. I’d like to talk to him someday or maybe not.

This place is good for my soul, I fathomed. When I am here I think better, clearer ; It is like my mind palace. When I am not writing anything, I just look out of the window at things, people. The simplest of things like the wasp buzzing outside the pane or the froth in my coffee slowly dying – seem to be interesting. Even though I am alone, I feel at peace with myself and my place in this universe. Looking at the lights passing by, things seem to slow down- like I am sitting there, cozy all by myself and everything passes by in such blinding speed that I can feel my breath; pulse twitching on my wrist. Yes, I exist and I am at peace.

This cafe has given me so many stories, feelings, memories and smiles. I’ve filled diaries here, written some beautiful lines, read wonderful books; I have thought about people, forgiveness, hatered, love, gratitude.

I am so thankful that this cafe exists.
I think everyone deserves a place like this!

A Moment’s Sillage

Transient; always reminds me of another word- ‘Sillage‘.  It’s French, I suppose.

Sillage; The lingering of scent.

I like to inherit it in a more general sense. ‘A moment’s sillage‘ ; that is meant to diffuse and vanish. Like the lingering beauty of fireworks after they disappear from the dark inked sky leaving behind specks of fire that still crackle a little while you keep staring at the sky with wonder and beauty your eyes.

Transient has the same effect. You have this beautiful moment before your eyes and you know in that very moment, that it is determined to fade away. The beauty of it however, lingers around after it vanishes.

I’m no photographer but I like taking pictures. Every picture in a way is an evidence of how transitory life really is. Every moment is a fleeting moment. It is here and then it goes away just like that,..without you even noticing it. It just goes by moment after moment. Here are some of the best transient memories from my pocket-

Dear Someone (#3)

Dear Someone,

Today was strange. I woke up a little different.

Last night I slept on a different side of my bed, hoping I would get up a different person…I am not sure if that’s the reason I feel bizarre today.

I got up and I ran 3.5 km with music blasting in my head. I saw an adorable dog on my way back and I stopped and petted him for a while; his name was Bolton. I looked up at his owner and wondered why he would name such a sweetheart Bolton…out of all the possible names on this Earth. Later I laughed at it again because it wasn’t actually such a terrible name after all; Bolton got me thinking about Ramsay Bolton somehow. I thought about Duke and Lucy and how I miss them so much. Then a random Instagram post popped up in my head-

After, I felt a little better and smiled to myself. Also, I skipped my breakfast today instead added ten extra minutes of music and crazy dancing. Then hogged over lunch like anything.

I’m trying to work on myself; smile more, show more kindness to others and self; do what makes me feel positive about my life. Let’s see how it goes (fingers crossed).

Hope you are thinking about your life and smiling by yourself this very moment 🙂

Sending you much of love,

The Other Someone.

Dear Someone (#2)

Dear Someone,

Hope you are doing fine.

I have been away from my usual routine for a while now. Life has been different. Not the good kind of different though.

I saw this little pup the other day…roadside near a vehicle repair shop. It was a everything-is-screaming type of day. Wind howling, trees swaying to an extent like they would all break and die. The sky dark and darker every minute. Clouds closing in as if they’ve eaten up the light. A dark grey sheet above the world. On a general note, I am in love with storms, they render a sense of peace. However, this one was different, everything was negative about it. Back to the pup, it was a tiny one. Probably just a few months old. I looked at him…my hair all wild and full of dust. It was trying to sneek behind a big tyre resting against the wall. It shreiked and sneeked behind it, probably pretty scared of me. Away from the wind and the world. It slowly adjusted and found solace behind the tyre. Unable to see the world. The storm. The gaint scary human. Trying to sleep and let the storm pass. 

Later, I couldn’t sleep that night. I would close my eyes and see that little pup tucked behind the tyre, eyes shut tight.

I want to do the same. 

Find my safe and just close my eyes.

We all want that sometimes, when the storms are so scary. 

Have you found your safe place? I hope you have.

Sending you love.

The Other Someone.

Dear Someone (#1)

Dear Someone,

How have you been? How is life?

I hope things are going well for you. 

I hope you are genuinely happy. When you smile…your soul smiles. When you laugh you get laugh lines at the corners of your twinkling eyes. You achieve whatever you are looking for. 

I hope you have a lovely family someday and when you look at them your eyes tear up with joy because you see your entire world right there.

 I wish you sound health and peace of mind; amazing trips and experiences. I wish you the entire world cause eternity knows you deserve every bit of it. 

And when you hit a sad phase, may you have all the strength you need to gather yourself and piece things back together. Always remember, that you are everything it takes and so much more. I hope that through time…your kind and humble heart stays intact. I hope it continues to love. 

The world is blessed to have you. It needs your kindness.

Wishing you all things good.

Love,

The Other Someone

Song

Exhausted and worn  out,

all I can think of is sleep.

I rest my head against the frail glass window,

an occasional thud; when the bus screeches and brakes.

I stare at the lights outside and wonder how fast the world moves.

The chatter on the radio comes to a stop and a sweet melody strikes the air.

I lean on the window and start humming along…

Another light lingering tune effortlessly mixes in the air…mingling with my carcass humming and suddenly my tune doesn’t sound so offbeat.

His voice silvery coarse – my voice faintly melodic.

I don’t turn.

The lights outside don’t appear sad anymore.

Beautifully Inane

What if? 

This beautiful film is the creation of Florent Porta 

 

Credits: Moss and Fog

Wisdom & Stuff

Alex says-

“We live in time- it holds and moulds us- but I’ve never felt I understood it very well. And I am not referring to the theories about how it bends and doubles back or may exist elsewhere in parallel versions. No, I mean ordinary, everyday time which clocks and watches assure us passes regularly; tick tock click clock. Is there anything more plausible than a second hand? And yet it takes only the smallest pleasure or pain to teach us times malleability. Some emotions speed it up; others slow it down; occasionally it seems to go missing- until the eventual point where it actually does go missing, never to return.”

Julian Barnes seems to have known or created the smart Alex. He is from the book ‘The Sense of an Ending’ . I have never in my life read such an accurate description of how time really feels. Recently, I have read two books and coincidentally, both of them have taught me so much about time. Or maybe just made me realize what it really is and how powerful a little second can be. It was a wonderful experience reading these beautiful books but I would be lying if I don’t tell you that I am scared of time now; the power it holds and the delusional beings that we are!

A second and things might turn around completely. A second and it could be the difference between life and death. A second and you could have a completely different life. It’s just strange and amazing that there is no control. No matter how much you want it, you will never have it. That’s how life is shaped.

I can’t stop telling myself “Girl, you are small, you are insignificant”

I am not underestimating myself, here I mean this in an entirely different context.We feel we are all powerful, controlling the course of our lives..mastering time and achieving the ultimate.It’s all about us…the happy, sad, horrid- all of it.

What I decide! – What I desire! – How I wish to go ahead with my life! – The people I decide to love and to hate!

To make and break!

ME! ME!! ME!!!

Now when I think back I see Time laughing at me all through it. Every minute of my life when I thought I had the control. I suddenly feel betrayed and utterly stupid but I am not pissed off, not one bit. It just feels funny, you know…like I was pushing this wall with full rigor and then there is this moment; I realize how stupid I am. It’s so damn stupid that it feels funny. I thought I had the controls not even once realizing that there was no control! Just frantic running all around and a perfect illusion of control. Suddenly I feel as if wisdom has hit me like a truck! And I can’t help but wonder if this is an illusion in itself.

If there is one thing that I can conclude from my frantic musings is that I’ll never know enough. I am going to have these illusions all the time and I can at least laugh at myself that moment and tell myself “Just an illusion dear!”

Maybe wisdom is knowing that you don’t know enough.

A friend used to tell me – “You never know”  he used to say this all the time and I thought of it as something to live by. I guess I will add to it today and form a version of it for myself –

“You never know enough” I’ll say.

And then there is another such thought, again from a friend (yes my friends are smart and wise it seems :P) –

“A perfect illusion” she says.

As I sit here in this empty cafe writing about time as it softly, silently ticks by I can only smile and tell myself- Life indeed can be a beautifully sad string of perfect illusions.

What did the Filth get you?

Filthy;

  1. Her shoes heavy, full of dirt – from the soccer field, just had her best game ever!
  2. His blotched white shirt – a canvas as beautiful as his masterpiece!
  3. The window pane thick with grime – helped her get that award winning shot!
  4. His hands…all stained, blue with ink – his ultimate piece of writing made him cry!

 

What did the filth get you?

PS: I don’t like how we label and classify words. Words can’t be classified as good or bad, it’s just a matter of choice; how you wish to string them together.